How Big is my Baby? The Fruit-to-Fast-Food Conversion Chart You've Always Wanted
Every pregnant woman has been there. You've just found out you're expecting and you stumble on one of those "How Big is My Baby?" lists, informing you just how big your little bundle is from week to week. Each of these lists is seemingly required to be composed almost entirely of obscure seeds, fruits, and vegetables of whose size you are quite uncertain, some of which you can barely look at, let alone stomach, while pregnant. This list is different. This is a pregnant woman's list, for pregnant women, by a pregnant woman*. This is how big your baby is in junk foods. Enjoy, and I apologize in advance for triggering cravings you have to run out and satisfy today! (This list was compiled with the help of the Parents, BabyCenter, and Bump lists, Flickr Creative Commons, and a giant assist from my hormones.)
Week 4: Poppy Seed = Grain of Salt
Poppy seeds and fry.
In the 4th week, your baby is about the size of that grain of salt on your waffle fry. Like, a visible grain. Maybe a nice Kosher salt. It's implantation week, and your little grain is hanging out in the uterine wall, 'bout to get some nutrients.
Week 5: Sesame Seed (I will allow it)
This is the only comparison I will allow, as a sesame seed is an important feature of the hamburger bun— important enough that it's even featured in the classic McDonald's jingle about the Big Mac. There's not much better junk-food cred than that. In the 5th week, your sesame seed is making some serious headway, beginning to form a brain, spinal cord, and circulatory system.
Week 6: Lentil = Nerd
In the 6th week, your baby is about the size of a Nerd. Just four weeks from conception, the baby's neural tube closes, and the heart is pumping blood.
Week 7: Blueberry = Skittle
Blueberries and Skittles.
In the 7th week, your baby Skittle has a head and nostrils and is forming paddle-like arms and legs. (This comparison goes out to my friend Jenna Kim Jones, who loves the Skittles and is expecting her own Skittle very soon!)
Week 8: Kidney Bean = Jelly Bean
Kidney beans and Jelly Bellys.
In the 8th week, your little Jelly Belly (one can hope it's not that heinous popcorn flavor) is starting to have visible eyes, fingers, and toes, and straightening out of the C-shaped curve of the very early days of development.
Week 9: Grape = Gumball
In the 9th week, your baby is about the size of a gas-station gumball you used to get for a quarter. Do they still cost a quarter or do children just order them with their AMEX on the Uber-for-gumballs app? In this week, your baby will grow arm bones and toes, and may be 3/4 of an inch long.
Week 10: Kumquat = Tater tot
In the 10th week, your baby is the size of a delicious tater tot you just picked up at Sonic. Your little tot's head is looking more distinct from his body and he may be about an inch long.
Week 11: Fig = Reese's Cup
In the 11th week, your baby is about the size of a Reese's cup! The little one might be as much as 2 inches long and weigh 1/4 of an ounce, and her head, though becoming more proportionate, is still about the same size as the rest of her body combined.
Week 12: Lime = Sorbet scoop
Welcome to week 12! In this week, your baby is about the size of one of those little scoops of sorbet you get at a fancy restaurant and think, "This is all I get for $8.50?!" Weighing in at about 1/2 an ounce, the baby has formed most of her major systems and will now start to grow fast. Her profile, if you catch it on an ultrasound, is fit for fridge-hanging and framing.
Week 13: Pea pod = McDonald's fries
Peapod and McDonald's fries.
In week 13, you're in the homestretch of the 1st trimester, and with luck, any nausea you've experienced is sloping off. Meanwhile, your baby is about the size of a modest mouthful of McDonald's fries. He is getting vocal chords and fingerprints and is almost 3 in. long.
Week 14: Lemon = McNuggets
In week 14, your baby is about the size of a Chicken McNugget. He now weighs more than an ounce, and has grown the layer of peach-fuzzy hair all over him that will help regulate his temperature in the womb.
Week 15: Apple = Baskin Robbins scoop
In week 15, you are solidly in the 2nd trimester and your baby is now the size of the Baskin Robbins scoop you would serve yourself if they'd give you the damn ice cream scoop already! Gone is that tiny sorbet scoop of the 1st trimester, and your little one is now moving around in there, even if you can't yet feel her.
Week 16: Avocado = Cupcake
In the 16th week, your baby is about the size of a cupcake. Your baby is about 4.5 in. long and weighs in at more than 3 oz. She may be able to hear your voice now and has a fully formed umbilical cord.
Week 17: Pear = Buttermilk biscuit
Pear and buttermilk biscuit.
At 17 weeks, your baby is about the size of a biscuit. A flaky, buttery biscuit. She is busy putting on weight and you may feel her hiccuping.
Week 18: Bell pepper = Candy apple
Bell pepper and candy apple.
In week 18, your baby is about the size of a candy apple, which I probably wouldn't even mention except it's fair season right now, so if I trigger a craving, you could actually go find one. Wait, come back and finish this post first! At more than 5 inches and over 6 oz., you may now feel this kid kicking if you haven't already.
Week 19: Heirloom tomato = Big League Chew
Yes, I made your 19-week-old in utero baby into a politically incorrect candy of the '80s. Embrace your nostalgia! Are you pumped to find out this little pouch of bubble gum's gender? You're creeping up on your halfway mark and the next big ultrasound.
Week 20: Banana = Doritos Locos Taco
Banana and Doritos taco.
In the 20th week, you are halfway done and your Doritos Locos Taco-sized baby has fully formed taste buds and weighs in at more than 11 oz. Mmm, Doritos.
Week 21: Carrot = Steak fries
Carrots and steak fries.
Welcome to your 21st week. Your baby is now the size of a steak fry, but is on his way to becoming the size of a main course.
Week 22: Spaghetti squash = Pint of Ben & Jerry's
Did someone say main course? What about a pint of Ben & Jerry's? That's how big your baby is in week 22.
Week 23: Mango = Two Pop-Tarts
In week 23, your baby is the size of two Pop-Tarts, about 10-12 inches long and listening in on life outside the womb.
Week 24: Ear of corn = Pringles can
In week 24, your baby is as long as a can of Pringles, but can weigh a pound! So, maybe the size of two Pringles cans. Why not? You're pregnant. Once you pop, you can't stop!
Week 25: Swede/Rutabaga = I can't even
We're going to pause right here to recognize that this week's veggie comparison perfectly encapsulates what is wrong with every list of fruits and veggies that tell you how big your baby is. I'm a fairly intelligent person well-versed in fruit and veggie consumption. And, when someone tells me my baby is the size of a Swede, my first thought is "WUT in the baby-swaddling hell is a Swede?" Turns out it's a rutabaga, whose size I also don't know with perfect accuracy right off the top of my head. So, super-helpful. Also, check out that picture. We couldn't pick a cuter veggie, even? A turnip-like ball of variegated color and random hairs. Sure, if your baby daddy is Ren or Stimpy. Anyway, I can't even.
Week 26: Red cabbage = Popcorn ball
Red cabbage and popcorn ball.
In the 26th week, your baby is the size of a giant popcorn ball and is practicing breathing air by breathing amniotic fluid after a recent spurt of lung development.
Week 27: Cauliflower = Big Mac meal
Cauliflower and Big Mac meal.
In week 27, your baby is the size of a Big Mac meal.
Week 28: Butternut squash = Kraft Mac & Cheese box
In the 28th week, your baby is the size of a whole box of Kraft Mac & Cheese— the original, orange-powder kind, not this less-orange kind they're trying to pass off as equally yummy these days.
Week 29: Eggplant = Cinnamon swirl bread
Eggplant and Cinnamon bread.
Ladies, you are now hanging out in the third trimester. Home stretch! Your baby is about the size of a delicious home baked loaf of cinnamon swirl bread. Welcome to the wonderful world of kung-fu baby kicks, increased heartburn, sciatica, and all sorts of crowding.
Week 30: Cabbage = Personal pan pizza
In the 30th week, your baby is the size of a Pizza Hut personal pan pizza. She may weigh almost 3 lbs, which is incidentally about the same amount of weight you'd gain from a night at the Pizza Hut buffet. But don't quote me on that. I'm not a scientist.
Week 31: Coconut = Cheetos bag
Coconut and bag of Cheetos.
Look, I don't understand the order of these things. How is a coconut bigger than an eggplant or butternut squash? I thought about unilaterally bumping this back to about Week 28, but I'm not a doctor. Maybe they mean a coconut still in a palm tree? Don't those have a husk on them that make them even bigger? Anyway, I'm going with a bag of Cheetos.
Week 32: Kale leaves = Funnel cake
Kale leaves and funnel cake.
In the 32nd week, your baby has reached the sweet spot— the size of a funnel cake. The baby may be climbing toward the 2-3-lb mark and with luck has turned into a head-down position getting ready for delivery.
Week 33: Pineapple = Cotton candy
Pineapple and cotton candy.
Before your bundle of joy is born, he's first the size a bundle of sugary cotton candy at 33 weeks. And, much like cotton candy, this kid can grow really fast and will continue to do so until he's born.
Week 34: Cantaloupe = Apple pie
Cantaloupe and Apple pie.
It's week 34 and your baby is about the size of an apple pie, pushing 4 lbs., and can hear your conversations.
Week 35: Honeydew = Plate o' fried chicken
Seriously, week 35, and your uterus is huge, girl. With good reason—you've got an entire plate of crispy fried chicken in there! Kiddo can weigh over 5 lbs. and may feel like far more.
Week 36: Romaine lettuce = Movie popcorn
Getting both longer and heavier, your 36-week baby is the size of one of those ludicrously sized medium movie popcorns. She's shifting around but running out of room in there. Most of the baby's major systems could be functional if she decided to come early at this point, but most of them like to hang around a bit.
Week 37: Bunch o' leeks = Bag o' Cheetos Puffs
Seriously, leeks? Nope. It's been a while since your baby was a mini bag of crunchy Cheetos. Now, he's an officially full-term giant bag of Cheetos Puffs, weighing 6-8 lbs.
Week 38: Swiss chard = Rack o' ribs
Swiss chard and ribs.
Almost there! Your rack o' ribs is full-term but hanging in there to put a little more meat on his ribs. It's okay to feel a little impatient. These last weeks can be hard on mom as most of her body is devoted to this little one who feels not-so-little these days.
Week 39: Pumpkin = Bundt cake
Pumpkin and bundt cake.
Week 39 and your baby is the size of an iced bundt cake and just as perfectly formed! You've been staying healthy and making a whole human. Nice job! The discomfort of carrying this 6-9-lb. bundt cake around is a great way of helping you let go of anxiety for the time when the baby is actually born. You may very well be thinking, "Let's get this labor show on the road!"
Week 40: Watermelon = Three-tier Funfetti cake
You made it! And, what better way to celebrate than a baby the size of a three-tier funfetti cake? You'll soon meet this delicious little person, fall in love, and be exhausted. And, since we're on the subject of food, as pregnant ladies often are, you may be rid of your pregnancy food aversions and cravings post-birth. You'll also have more room to put those yummy foods now that your stomach is no longer residing in your esophagus, and if you happen to be breastfeeding, get ready to enjoy eating ALL OF THEM perhaps more than you ever have before. You'll need it!
*As for me, my baby is about the size of a Kraft Mac & Cheese box (28 weeks) and kicking like crazy. Due in early December, we look forward to the new addition keeping all of us, including big sister, on our toes! If you haven't seen me in a while, this may come as a surprise. Sorry 'bout that. Busy summer! (HASHTAGSORRYSECONDKID) Oh, and my husband knows the gender but I don't. Ha. Little miscommunication in the ultrasound room. No, he hasn't slipped up. No, I haven't bugged him about it. We're weird. You can take it up with him if you'd like, but he won't crack.